Books that Changed My Perspective last year 📖

Happy 2021! Here are some of my favorite books that were worth the read and taught me something in 2020. Number 5 is my favorite, and two honorable mentions are at the end. The genres below are psychology, self-help, black history/autobiography, poetry, and cultural studies.

1. all about love by bell hooks (psychology)

Recommended to me by a friend, I was at first skeptical about this book. I thought it would focus on romantic love, but I found it was actually psychologically stimulating and had beautiful definitions of every type of love, especially self-love. bell hooks explains the truth that we as humans take on romantic relationships believing it will redeem or rescue us, and she also challenges the definition of love. Intelligently divided into important chapters (community, self, mutuality, honesty, childhood, etc.) this book is definitely a page-turner to have with some wine.

2. Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas (self-help, healing)

The first self-help book I’ve read, most of my copy of this book is highlighted. Thomas, a clinical social worker and licensed therapist, explains the emotional and mental abuse she’s seen in her career and she’s experienced herself with her mother. Thomas says, “Within every community, toxic people can be found hiding in families, couples, companies, and places of worship. The cryptic nature of psychological abuse involves repetitious mind games played by one individual or group of people.” Thomas emphasizes that although there are no physical scars or holes in the wall when it comes to psychological abuse, the abuse is very real and can leave just as long (if not longer) affects on a person. Highly recommend if you feel there is a toxic person in your life— whether it’s a friend, church leader, parent, coworker, or romantic partner.

3. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave by Frederick Douglass (black history, autobiography)

If you’re a history nerd like me who loves stories of black excellence, this one is for you. Although this autobiography doesn’t mention much of Douglass’ successes as a free man, it does tell his story beforehand. A born-slave who taught himself how to read and write, became a free man who’s autobiography shocked readers when he published it in 1845. As you can imagine, this wasn’t an easy journey for Douglass. The book recounts his memories of some gruesome acts at some points, so please be aware. Frequently, you will be shocked and extremely disappointed in this country’s history when you read it but I believe it is crucial.

4. The Spirit Catches You And You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman (cultural studies)

I had to read this book for my cross-cultural psychology class and I surprisingly enjoyed it (and the class) very much. Based on a true story in California, it recounts the struggles of a Hmong refugee family with their toddler daughter diagnosed with severe epilepsy. The family clash with doctors, as they believe their daughter’s diagnosis can only be fixed spiritually, not with westernized medicine. Both her parents and her doctors want what’s best for her, but their differences in cultures and beliefs cause many turmoils and tragedy. This book forces you to see things from a different perspective, and with respect to people who may think differently from you.

5. whole again: healing your heart and rediscovering your true self after toxic relationships & emotional abuse by Jackson Mackenzie (self-help, psychology, healing)

Saved the best for last. I’m still reading this book but it’s already changed my life. Be warned, this book will drag you, but in the best way. Whole Again highlights that often times we ourselves have unhealthy tendencies (also called our ‘protective selves’) such as fear of abondamment, codependency, or the need to give; thinking that we will receive love if we do all the “right” things. However this way of “loving” will only attract unhealthy people who will take as much as you give and more, (because of their own issues and protective selves) and leave you empty with feelings of worthlessness, regret, resentment, depression, anxiety, or even PTSD. Mackenzie says that despite how long ago the toxic relationship was, or even if you don’t think about it anymore, if you still feel a certain emptiness you carry— it means you haven’t fully healed from it. Toxic or disordered people have a very unhealthy and false definition of love, if at all. Mackenzie confirms that the psychological abuse you endured was not personal, and it is going to be done to everyone after you until these individuals begin to recognize their problem and heal from it (if ever). You can never fix an internal issue with external things, and that goes for both people. Most of us are running from or distracting ourselves from an internal wound we don’t want to recognize yet or possibly aren’t even aware of. Your own unhealthy tendencies need to be recognized, and felt, in order to be healed. There is no winner or loser after a toxic relationship, everyone loses. People who haven’t truly worked on themselves, often attract people who haven’t truly worked on themselves. Whole Again is the book to read when you’re ready to dig deep, even into the uncomfortable parts, and work on yourself.

Honorable mentions:

1. the sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur (poetry)

2. Recovery from the Sociopath by Donna Andersen (psychology)